The Beloved Book of Shadows

I don't know about you, but my Book Of Shadows was always really intimidating to me. Maybe it's because I'm an extreme perfectionist with my creations or maybe it's my social anxiety where I wonder how other people will perceive something they will never even see. Who knows?! Lol! My attitude this time around is going to be different, I swear. I'm going to do what I want and what makes me happy with my BOS. Damn it, it's mine!
It's not a leather bound beauty that you can stoke, rub your face on, and imagine passing though the generations. It's a Erin Condren dot grid journal that I got for pennies because my planner came a little wrinkled on some corner pages. The picture makes it look peach, it's actully super pink as you can see in the following picture. I think it suits my needs and it may be better than anything fancy I could find online. The inside is a dot grid like the bullet journal format that you may be used to. I have been super into bullet journaling this year. I hated doing the daily logs and weekly spreads though which is why I decied on another way of creative planning! Search Pinterest for Erin Condren Life Planner and you would be suprised how awesomely creative people get with it. Anyhoo, I am thinking that the laid-back vibe of my BOS will let my frontal anxious mind drop and let my creative mind flow. I'm not sure if I'm going to rip out the first page (perforated pages), most likely.



Another fun thing is that it matches my planner and is inconspicuous. My husband is in the military and although freedom of religion is preached (Yes. I chose that word intentionally. Remind me to tell you about the 'tree lighting') it's not practiced out of basic training. When my husband was at basic, he and his friends went to a different religious service every week. He said that the Wiccan "service" had hundreds of people in it. How amazing is that!? I can't imagine how liberating that would feel for me, a side from the whole a selling your life to the military bit. I'm definitely not going to 'come out of the broom closet' here in south Texas or to the friends I have made in this community. People wouldn't be mean, (optimistic?) but I would definitely be avoided and the view of my husband at work could be tarnished. Not worth it to me. Also I have been down this road before with my family and it's not worth hearing about everyday just to feel like I'm sharing a part of myself. It's alot easier to keep secrets as an Adult, I have found. The back lash is never worth the trouble of unnecessary confessions.
Ok. Ok. Ok. Back to book of shadows. I have watched a few youtube videos, checked out Pinterest, and joined a group on facebook called BuJo Witches. I said it before, but ya'll are so lucky to have so many resources! It's amazing that so many ideas can be shared and so many people can meet each other because of social media! I feel like I went to Disney and it was only Mr Toads Wild Ride and I come back 8 years later and it's FLIPPING 5 whole parks that take days to go through lol! So proud of our witchy community. At the bottom of this post there are two awesome videos I have found. For now, I have to go. The babies are telling me they need things and can no longer be put off.

Blessed be friends, Hazel

Back to the craft after a 8 year slumber

I was a deeply devoted Witch until I had my first son. With pregnancy, a part of myself detached. By 'part', I really mean to say is 'most'. I was walking though this world a ghost with a life inside me. I wish that It had been a positive experience for me like I assume, other women on this path experience. What better way to feel close to the Goddess than to create life? For me, it was a perfect storm of events where I just became lost. 

I don't think I was old enough to have a child. I didn't know myself or my body at all and then suddenly I 'lost' them both. I was 20. A young 20, as a seasoned mother would describe their child. It was a whirlwind of events, I was on a moving sidewalk and the only answer to my questions were, "Enjoy the ride."

I was married, pregnant, and my Dad was diagnosed with Cancer in the same month. My husband and I didn't know how to be married, how to be pregnant, or how to deal with the consistent sidelined grief that is cancer. 

My difficult period lasted 4 years, ending with an implosion of myself. I may talk about that day at a future time. It was a mess; much like this first post. ;-) But we got though it, and are much stronger and better for the wear.

Lots of things happened that could have happened to anyone. It took me a long time to come back full circle to my true self with feet solidly on the earth. It was a lot of work and a lot of reflection. I'm 28 years old now. I am still married to my dear husband and best friend. We have 3 adorable, sweet, unique, little boys. I know who I am and I know where I am going. I have lost that naive image of what life was or should be. When I look in the mirror, I see only myself as I am. I know my role in the world. I am enjoying life with a full heart and a big smile. I'm ready to further embrace myself, to remove the final veil from my eyes. I hope that this blog will help others to embrace their lives for what they are. Looking forawrd to talking to you next time. 

Embrace your reality, friends.  

Blessed be, Hazel

PS Ya'll have an astounding number of resources out there! When I started, all I had was Barnes and Nobel and witchvox.com. Do you know how scary it is to try to buy a book about witchcraft at 17, let alone keep this giant book in your house?